While just trying to get through Day 11 Year 1 of AT (After Trump), and being unable to watch the news because of some terrible orange virus of ignorance pumping itself through every facet of our lives, I needed something to do. So I decided to secede. Realizing I didn’t want to secede all by myself I asked some people at Trader Joe’s if they wanted to secede also. They did. Before long everyone was clamoring to be included.
At approximately 4:32pm New Mexican time, New Mexico succeeded from the United States. (We argue that, really, the U.S. succeeded from us.)
Welcome to the United States of New Mexico! (Don’t worry, President-Elect Cheeto Head doesn’t know where we are. Like half of America, he thinks we are part of Mexico. We are the only state that has U.S.A on our license plates. Well not anymore!)
I appointed Hillary Clinton as President and figure Vice-President Tim Kaine can coach her on Spanish since running The United States of New Mexico isn’t going to take up all her time. We are going to get her some great Day of the Dead pant suits. The dream lives on!
Rachel Maddow will be Secretary of State since she knows how to talk diplomatically to clowns and is immune to patriarchy.
All other positions are open. Please apply here. Those people who know how to construct a wall to keep everyone else out of here should definitely speak up.
I will be the head Fool of State, since I am only good for saying things and pointing out the obvious. My cat however, is interested in being the Secretary of the Interior, in charge of the arrangement of blankets on the bed.
We won’t even deport those of you who voted for Trump. It may not be your fault you’re an idiot. But those Democrats who voted third party, or didn’t vote at all? It’s definitely your fault you’re an idiot. But fifteen minutes of looking over the wall from the United States of Mexico to the ruins in the rest of the country will fix that broken I.Q. regardless of which part of stupid you were standing on before.
It’s 1444 days until 2020 election. Until then Hillary can stay at my house. And those pesky license plates? Duct tape. Cover the USA with duct tape. You can fix everything with duct tape. Even an election.